Do you know what you really want?

Ever pursued a goal, only to achieve it and not feel as happy you thought you would? Or maybe you achieved it but it didn't really change anything in the long term like you thought it might? Ever set yourself a goal but never really knew why? It begs the question, "do you know what you really want?" 

Everyone I work with wants to achieve a goal of some kind. The first thing I look to explore is, what will achieving that goal get them? I'm looking to understand whether what they want is a goal or a state. At first glance, the difference between the two is very simple, but once you really get it, it has a massive impact on how you think about your goals. 

Perhaps the simplest way to describe the difference is to say that a goal is the process or the how you will achieve something, the state is what you will have, or more commonly feel, when you have it. I'll explain the significance of this distinction shortly but here are the characteristics of both states and goals.  

A Goal

• Stated specifically
• Written in outcomes
• Time is involved
• Steps needed to get there
• Measurable 
• Stated for self only

A State

• Stated ambiguously
• Written in affirmations
• You can have it now
• No steps
• Infinite or not measurable
• Stated for self and/or for others

An example of a state might be "I want to be happy".

It's ambiguous, it doesn't require any steps, there's no uniform way of measuring it and you can be happy now if you want. Happiness isn't conditional on a series of activities. Simply think of a happy memory, look back over old photos of good times or sing your favourite song and you can feel happy in this very moment. 

An example of a goal might be "I will complete the BUPA 10K this year".

It is specific, completion is easy to measure, it will happen over a period of time and steps are required in the form of a training plan. When you've identified the right steps and taken them you will be able to achieve the outcome. 

Sounds simple? The theory is very simple. The application of this theory to your goals more tricky. I'll explain: 

Countless times business leaders have come to me saying "I want some training on X ". Sounds like a straightforward goal right? Specific, measurable, clear steps etc 

Now if I was bad at my job I would say "Yeah sure here's a workshop on X". We'd then spend weeks planning and scheduling the workshop. We pay trainers to prepare and deliver it. There's be a cost for room hire and equipment. Hundreds of people would be taken out of their day job to do the training. Basically, we'd spent a lot of time, money and effort to provide that workshop. A worthwhile investment when done for the right reasons. But because I am good at my job I always explore what delivering the workshop will get them so I ask "and when we've successfully delivered the workshop what will that get you?".  

You might be surprised by how many times the answer I receive doesn't relate to business performance. It's not unusual to hear responses like "so my boss knows I'm on top of things" or "because I want my people to know I value them". Yes, there really are people that will spend thousands of pounds and weeks on activities to get them a state.  

But it's not just business leaders who put so much effort into goals to achieve an emotional state. What about the rest of us?

What about people who lose weight so that they'll feel good about themselves? Feeling good about yourself is a state you can have now. In fact, wouldn't be good to feel good about yourself then lose weight? 

What about people who work their socks off to get a promotion because they want the status, to feel important. How many promotions would they need to feel important enough? 

What about people who give up every minute of their spare time helping others so that they can feel needed. All that activity, all that energy. Could they allow themselves to know that they are needed without running themselves into the ground?

What about you?  

Have you ever stopped to review your own goals? It's not unusual for us to undertake a lot of activity or spend a lot of money on something without really knowing what's important to us about it. 

What goals do you have? 

What will achieving that goal mean for you? 

Is it a goal or a state?

Is what you doing getting you what you want?

Let us know your thoughts and comments on the Dive Deeper Development facebook page.

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