A problem shared: Why Jeremy Kyles Guests might just be on to something

I've never been one to admit "I'm struggling". I don't like to bother people or bring them down with my woes and no one likes a moaner. I've never had much time for Jeremy Kyle 'guests' who air their dirty laundry in public either. In fact, I admit I've been quite judgemental about them in the past. However, I have come to learn that both professionally and personally, talking about your problems with people is actually a bloody good idea.  

What will people think of me?

I met a guy recently who was starting out in a job he'd never done before. He was a total novice. He had no prior knowledge or relevant experience and hadn't done much research yet. He didn't even have a clear direction, more sort of a vague sense of what he wanted. He went to a meeting with a group of people, almost all of whom were very experienced in his new field and just went around the room telling anyone who would listen how little he knew, how clueless he was and how he basically had no idea what he was doing or any real sense of direction.  

What did these people think of him? I remember thinking it was a little embarrassing. Perhaps he was being too open. Maybe people wouldn't take him seriously given his lack of prior thought on the subject. Did it come across a little unprofessional? 

Do you know what happened?  

People fell over themselves to help him.

They gave him resources, potential contacts, ideas, leads and generous amounts of their time. He learnt more in a few hours that I would have done in a month. 

No one judged him. They had all been in a similar position themselves at some point so they were happy to help and loved helping out a fellow professional by sharing what they knew. 

Why do some people always get what they want?

I've been observing people that are great at getting what they want and one thing they all have in common is they talk about their struggles. A lot. With pretty much everyone. All the time. 

So over the last week or so I decided to model their behaviour, wear my heart on my sleeve and here's what I discovered. 

Admitting a difficulty is the first step. Once you've acknowledged a problem exists you can do something about it. Denial might feel more comfortable in the short term but it doesn't get you any closer to solving the problem. 

Opening up itself is quite liberating. There's something about saying your worries out loud that makes a problem a bit less of a burden. It doesn't seem like such a big deal on the outside as it did in your head. 

People don't judge you. I don't know where I got the idea that people would judge me if I admitted to struggling (the corporate world perhaps???) but it's nonsense. In fact, people love to know other people struggle just like them. They even find it endearing. 

You are not alone and you are not the first. Other people have been in the same boat (or a similar one) and have something useful to share. You'd be surprised how much useful information there is waiting out there that people have never brought up because they didn't think it was relevant to you. 

You get many different perspectives. Every person you meet will have a different take on the situation. Some will be helpful, some won't but you'll have more information to work with. Share your thoughts and you find that people willingly share back. 

People love to help. Like, REALLY love to help. Whether it because they like to show off their knowledge, it makes them feel better about their lives or maybe it just makes them feel nice. Regardless, people generally love to help out others.  

It makes sense when you think about it: 

Which type of people do you help? 

Those who are struggling 

What do you do when people seem fine? 

You leave them to it 

The very behaviour we adopt to make our problems go away just keeps them hanging around for longer.

Think of a problem like an unsolved puzzle you carry around everywhere with you in your pocket. You know it's there but unless you share it no one else does. As long as it stays tucked away it doesn't get any closer to being solved. Yet, if every time you meet someone you share the puzzle, each person manages to work out just one tiny piece, bit by bit and in no time at all your puzzle is solved. Each person holds a bit of the solution and every meeting takes you a step closer to completion. The longer you keep it tucked away, the more opportunities you pass up to find a part of the solution.  

Hmm, perhaps Jeremy Kyles guests have it right after all..............